Vulnerable Reflections

As with the majority of my blog posts, I'm not really sure as to the purpose of what I'm about to write, but I sense the Holy Spirit (or is it myself? Still trying to figure that out) calling me to share and be vulnerable.

Where am I on this journey through Catholicism? As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm so very far from holiness, even with all the knowledge that God has given me, I'm still so very weak and seek escapism through my vices - television, snacking, "fun drinks", Facebook, etc. Why can't I just go ONE day without sinning or clinging to my vices???

Admittedly, I am a creature of comfort - I never deny it, I am very attached to my routines and my pleasures. It's ironic, I am so quick to denounce sex-for-pleasure, yet I'm realizing that I have my own pleasures to which I'm attached.

Attachment/detachment - always been an issue for me. For so long, I struggled with developing emotional attachments with other people, mainly men (and no not necessarily in a romantic way). Praise be to God, I seem to be finally overcoming that tendency, but now, I'm attached to my routines/habits, especially watching and interacting with the FB live stream of Catholic Answers Live from 5-7 every Monday-Friday.

From what am I escaping? Oh just the stress/anxiety of being 26, still living with my parents, single, unemployed, fear of not being taken seriously, having desires that go unfulfilled, HATING all the unknown, constantly feeling insecure. Hence why I loooove Facebook so much! I never have to worry about my appearance (if my hair is straightened, if I'm wearing makeup, what outfit I'm wearing, etc.) and I've found a community of like-minded people who understand me and share my interests in apologetics, chastity, Catholicism, etc.

In real life, I rarely feel as though I "fit in", living in a suburb of Chicago which doesn't have EWTN radio (instead it has Relevant Radio), hardly anyone has ever heard of my beloved Catholic Answers Live since RR doesn't broadcast it and no one seems interested in apologetics. No one understands my love of interacting with Catholic Answers everyday with their FB live stream...

Although then again, I have over 500 friends on FB and yet never get into the triple digits of "likes" of any of my posts. I know I know, I shouldn't care about how many "likes" I get, but it's more the principle -- that I feel so ignored, that all my posts both on this blog and on my personal FB seem to be in vein, go unnoticed.

What am I doing with my life???? Where is God leading me?? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not doing? Why can't I just be normal?

Not sure if any of this made sense, but ultimately, this is where I'm currently at in my Catholic journey. I accept and embrace all the Church's teachings as true, it is ME who is wrong, NOT the Church, yet I still sin, still struggle with escapism and vices, but I long for Jesus and Heaven...

What's Your Journey?

As you may have noticed, I re-titled this blog to "Journeying Through Catholicism" in light of my gradual realization that religion, holiness, and even life in general is not a one-stop destination, but a continual process, a journey. For non-Catholics, I genuinely wonder what their ultimate destination is? To where specifically are they journeying?

My journey is growing ever closer to Christ, attempting everyday to become more like Him, to better living out this Catholic faith. Trying to find a balance between living for Him and figuring out what God wants me to do, how He wants me to serve others.

My favorite place to walk - Springbrook Prairie Forest Preserve

Lest anyone think that I have already "arrived" at perfect holiness, let me assure you of how far I am, how much of a journey I still have as I struggle against my pesky habitual sins and attachments. Yet, I pray that I will never ever deny the truth that God has revealed through Jesus and the universal (Catholic) Church He established. I may fall into sin, be overly attached to comfort, but my prayer is that I may at least guide others to grasping a better understanding of all the teachings and beliefs of Catholicism, which is the goal of this blog.

What's your journey? Please feel free to share in the comments below as I would love to get to know YOU, dear reader. Wherever you are at in your life, whether you accept Catholicism or not at this point, know that you are dearly loved and always in my prayers 🙏♡